Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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