smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Your tits are I can't wait for
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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