she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
