On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
