I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
