HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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