They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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