Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
