Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can I color on your dick again?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
