Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
