Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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