No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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