He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
