Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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