Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
