Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
