god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
