what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
