Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This house was built for laser tag.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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