11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I pour the whiskey from now on
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
