I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
