She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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