ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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