It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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