just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
