Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
