Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
