i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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