oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
