so explain again why im purple
no
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
