i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
