he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
