her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
