Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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