M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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