i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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