Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
