Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
