i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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