I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
