my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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