life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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