what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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