he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
