I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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