walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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