I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
