i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have tasted many bathrooms
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
