i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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