I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
