I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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