My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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