There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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