dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
