Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
