weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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