dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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