I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
