Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
