I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
