I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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