I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
