I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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