Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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