i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
