You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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