Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
