Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
