I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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