Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Enjoy the penises
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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