Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
