I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize