Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
