You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
